


The Beauty of a Broken Angel

by Fnuggi



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Firefam Feels, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Slash, Team as Family, and it's making me emtional, but luckily the firefam is there for him, but mostly I just wanted eddie to feel loved by everyone, eddie deserves the world, eddie has Issues™, eddie is an amputee, eddie tries so damn hard to be a good dad to christopher, so read at your own discretion, this can be read as buddie if you squint at it, this fic contains discussion of a past suicide atempt, this takes place in early season two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24308563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fnuggi/pseuds/Fnuggi
Summary: “Why didn’t you tell us you were in pain?” Buck says and there’s so much sorrow in his voice that it makes Eddie feel guilty for not telling them sooner.
Relationships: Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 82





	The Beauty of a Broken Angel

**Author's Note:**

> I want to reiterate that this fic contains discussion of a past suicide attempt and ptsd, so if either of those are something that's triggering for you, please don't continue reading.

Eddie knows when he wakes up in the morning that it’s gonna be a bad day. The dull, persistent ache in the stump of his leg makes it so that all he wants to do, is turn over and try to go back to sleep, but Christopher needs him. His son needs him to be strong and so, Eddie pulls himself out of bed with a groan.  
  
Somehow, he manages to plaster a smile on his face and keep up the facade while he makes breakfast for himself and Christopher and by some small miracle, it stays there until he gets to work and through most of his shift.  
  
He’s almost ready to call it a day when they get another call. The idea of having to go back out there and be a hero is almost enough to make Eddie cry, but instead he sucks it up. He can’t let the others see him so weak and besides, it’s only one more call and then he can go home.  
  
Luckily, it turns out to be an easy one. Someone’s cat has gotten stuck in a tree, and getting it down should be easy. Should being the operative word.  
  
But of course, nothing is ever easy for them.  
  
Eddie’s holding the ladder for Buck when he feels the pain in his leg flare and the next thing he knows, he’s on his back on the ground. There are spots dancing across his vision and as he's laying on the ground, Eddie can almost feel the blazing heat of the desert sun on his skin. The stench of smoke and burnt flesh hangs heavy in the air and when he looks to his left, he sees private Hillman, her face covered in blood and dirt, eyes wide, unseeing.  
  
Dead.  
  
“Eddie!”  
  
The next thing he knows, he’s in a hospital bed after the accident with half of his right leg missing and a hole in his heart that he don’t think will ever heal.   
  
“Come on, man, breathe with me” There’s that voice again. He can’t seem to recall where he’s heard it before, but something about it makes him want to do what it tells him to. The feeling of someone grabbing his face is enough to ground him and when he pushes himself up into a sitting position, he realizes that it’s Buck holding him.  
  
Buck shouldn’t be here.  
  
“Eddie, can you tell me where you are right now?” He blinks and looks around. The heat of the desert had receded into the cool, early spring breeze of Los Angeles and it was enough to bring him back to the present.  
  
“We’re on the corner of third and fifth street. We were… we were rescuing a cat” He says, glancing over at the woman whose cat had been stuck in the tree.  
  
“Good. That’s… good” Eddie doesn’t miss the relief in Buck’s voice, but he’s too tired and sweaty to dwell on it.  
  
“Well, he’s a bit dehydrated, but other than that, there’s nothing wrong. At least not something that would cause this” Hen says with a worried frown.  
  
Eddie sighs and runs his hands down his face. “I already know what caused this and I promise, I’ll tell you when we get back to the station”  
  
“Come on” Bobby says from behind Buck “Let’s go home”  
  


* * *

  
The fact that Carla and Christopher are at the station when they return isn’t what Eddie expected. He loves Christopher dearly and would do anything for him, but right now, Eddie’s not sure he has the energy to deal with his son.  
  
Still, he manages a smile when he spots them and even manages to hug Christopher, despite the pain in his leg screaming at him to go lie down.  
  
While Buck has successfully distracted Christopher, Eddie hobbled over one of the couches with Carla following close behind him and sat down.  
  
“Bad day?” She asked.   
  
“Yeah... “ Eddie replies.  
  
Carla gives him a knowing look. “I’ll stay with Christopher until you get back”  
  
“Thanks Carla, I really appreciate it” And he does. He has no idea where he’d be if Buck hadn’t introduced him to Carla. She had not only helped him figure out how to get Christopher the help he needed, but she’s also been helping with taking care of him when Eddie was at work.  
  
“By the way, we were cleaning the house and Christopher found this” Carla said, holding out an all too familiar box for Eddie to take. “He thought you should wear it more.”  
  
Eddie has to swallow around the lump in his throat. While he’s never hidden his military past from anyone it’s also not something he likes to talk about. He knew that Christopher looked up to him for it and saw him as a hero, but he didn’t see himself as that.  
  
Giving him one last, meaningful look, Carla turns to leave.  
  
“The Silver Star, huh?” Chim asks, peering down at the box in Eddie’s hands. “That’s amazing”  
  
“It really isn’t” Eddie hates how raw his voice sounds, but emotions are threatening to overwhelm him and he’s already exhausted from the day he’s had, so there’s nothing he can do about it.  
  
But all he can see when he looks at the medal is the broken bodies of his squad as he fought to stay alive himself, and he has to swallow the bile that he feels rising in the back of his throat at the memory.  
  
“There’s nothing amazing or heroic about it. it was pure, dumb luck that I survived when the rest of my squad didn’t” He doesn’t try to stop the tears from falling. He doesn’t notice that Hen is next to him on the couch until she puts her hand on his shoulder.  
  
“How did it happen?” She asked softly.  
  
“We were flying a medical evac back to base when we were shot down” Eddie sighed. “Most were dead when we hit the ground and those who didn’t tried to fight back, but it didn’t matter”  
  
“The next thing I know, I woke up in a field hospital and was told that my entire squad’s dead and that they had to amputate my right leg below the knee because it had been so badly damaged in the crash” He pulls up the pant leg enough for them all to see the metal beneath.  
  
“That’s what happened earlier, isn’t it?” Hen asks and there’s so much sympathy in her voice that Eddie doesn’t think he deserves.   
  
“Yeah. Over the years, I’ve learned to manage the pain but today is especially bad” Eddie said, glancing back down at the medal. “It’s hard to be proud of it when it was paid for with the blood of my squadmates”  
  
“You could have come to us, you know” Eddie’s head snaps up at Bobby’s words. “In this firehouse, we take care of each other, no matter what”  
  
Eddie honestly isn’t sure how to respond to that. He’s been alone for so long, that he’s just gotten used to doing things on his own. If he’s being completely honest, asking for help from his teammates hadn’t even occurred to him.  
  
Luckily, Buck saves him from having to come up with something to say.  
  
“How are you feeling now?” Eddie takes a moment to consider the question.  
  
“I don’t know” He shrugs. “Leg still hurts like a bitch”  
  
“I can get you something for that” Hen says.  
  
“That’d be great” Eddie replies with a small smile.  
  
When Hen returns with the pills and a glass of water, he swallows them gratefully, trying not to think too much about it.  
  
“Why didn’t you tell us you were in pain?” Buck says and there’s so much sorrow in his voice that it makes Eddie feel guilty for not telling them sooner.  
  
“Honestly, I don’t know” He says as he runs his hands down his face, trying to dry away some of the tears. “After I got back from Afghanistan, I… was in a really bad place. It got so bad that I decided that it’d be easier for everyone if I just ended it” Eddie doesn’t look at any of his teammates as he speaks, afraid of the judgement he knows he’s gonna see if he does.  
  
“I swallowed a bottle of pills and the next thing I know, I woke up in the hospital, still very much alive” He can’t hide the bitterness in his voice, so he doesn’t bother trying. “I couldn’t even kill myself properly”  
  
“Shannon was a saint through all of it, but even saints have their limits and she finally reached hers. So she asked for a divorce, and then she died in a car crash” Eddie said. “It was after that I realized that I had to get better. If not for my own sake, then for Christopher’s”  
  
“Taking care of Christopher’s been the only thing that’s kept me afloat for so long now, but there are days where it’s nearly impossible. Where all I want to do it to hide from the world”  
  
Before Eddie knows what’s happening, Bobby is kneeling in front of him, pulling him into a hug, and it’s enough to break Eddie completely.  
  
“I’m sorry that you’ve felt like this, but we’re all here for you man, no matter what. Because that’s what being a family is all about” Chim says, squeezing Eddies knee comfortingly.  
  
Eddie has no idea how long they stay like that, but eventually, everyone pulls back enough for Buck to get get a good look at him.  
  
“Ready to go?” Eddie nods. He’s so tired, though, that he doubts he’ll be able to make it down the stairs, let alone to Buck’s car.  
  
Without a word, Buck leans in and picks him up. Eddie always knew that Buck was strong, but his stomach still flips when Buck picks him up with relative ease. Then again, it’s just one more thing he can add to his list of things to ponder when he’s not five seconds from passing out cold.  
  


* * *

  
The next morning, Eddie wakes up to the sunlight streaming in through the curtains in his bedroom. It’s the first time in a long while that he hasn’t been woken up by either his alarm clock or Christopher, and the thought alone is enough to make him suspicious.  
  
That is, until the scent of freshly brewed coffee registers in his mind and he remembers that he’s not alone. Buck had taken the couch without Eddie needing to ask, and if he’s being honest with himself, he’s glad that Buck did, because being alone is never a good thing for him when he’s had a day as bad as the one he had yesterday.  
  
The scene he before him when he enters the kitchen is enough to make stop in the door to take it all in. Buck is at the stove, making scrambled eggs for all three of them and Christopher is at the table drawing something.  
  
It’s all so painfully domestic, and when Buck spots him and wordlessly pushes a mug of steaming, black coffee towards him he can feel his heart skipping a beat. Even when Shannon was still alive, even when they’d first gotten married, he doesn’t remember anything feeling this  _ right _ .  
  
No, he’s still not okay, and maybe he’ll never be, but that’s okay too because he’s got his family.  
  
He’s not alone anymore.


End file.
